“Piranha 3D” has but one concern – the dismemberment of young, topless girls. To say that this is crass and sickening is almost too obvious, but the sheer, weapons-grade misogyny on display in Aja’s movie beggars belief. I don’t know if I was more surprised by the film’s craven delight in finding ways to kill the female supporting cast or by the presence in it of actors like Elizabeth Shue and Christopher Lloyd. I know times are tough, but you would like to think that Academy Award nominees could find a better use of their time than this rancid horror flick.
The film’s underlying ideas are as ugly as the technical side of it. There’s scarcely a female role in the film which doesn’t call for the actress to go topless or to be bloodily devoured whilst topless – If you’re not a mother or pre-teen girl in the film, then you’re a drunk, bikini-clad spring break slut or potential slut who deserves to be killed because that’s just so edgy. As a recruitment advert for feminist activism, “Piranha 3D” has few equals.
The previously alluded-to technical issues with the movie make it mostly unwatchable – as a 2D presentation, the film looks shoddy and absurdly cheap, with the 3D effects having no impact and the computer generated images looking like late 90s video game cut scenes. The killer fish themselves are dreadful, utterly unconvincing things and the major shoreline massacre sequence only works because the practical make-up work is half-decent.
There’s no point in belabouring the point – this is an appalling, witless, pointless film. Avoid it as you would do with a particularly virulent infection.
Clearly, I’ve not kept abreast of world news – if I had, the treatment of Russian art-punk collective Pussy Riot by Darth Putin would have moved me to write this post previously. Your usually scheduled daily helping of power metal, Christopher Nolan worship and complaints about video game storytelling will be along anon.
I don’t suppose I should feel any surprise that Vladimir Putin‘s zero tolerance response to criticism of his dictatorship presidency is to round-up the geeky art students responsible and sling them in the clink, but the brazenness of his actions is sufficient to raise an eyebrow in the West, where our freedom to yell slogans and strum two chords is mostly protected and unlikely to get us into any serious trouble with the law.
Seriously? A trial with a potential jail sentence of seven years for playing a few songs in a church? It’s fair to say that those of us who have reasonable freedom of speech, assembly and dissent in our countries don’t realise just how fortunate we are when we see people protesting on TV and being arrested (or worse) as a matter of course.